Most of the parents with a preschool age children faced tantrum situation and often they are seeking fot help in order to deal with it. In this article we will try to explain what tantrum is and give you some examples how to handle them.
Your child has tantrums - uncontrolled outbursts of anger - screams, cries with holding breath, throws himself on the floor and hits hands and feet, rolls on the floor, bites and picks. You tried to talk, but unsuccessfully, because the child could not hear you, then you tried to lift him/her off the floor in order to hug and calm upset kid, but it was even more frenzied and it starts kicking you and biting. At that time, you feet anger and began to shout: "It's a bad behavior, you can not do it ..." You wonder why your child is behaving like that, do other children react the same, how to stay calm, and what to do in that kind of situations? In theory, everything seems simpler, but in practice you often feel helpless and wonder how to act in a specific situation.
These unexpected, sudden and uncontrolled outbursts of anger with small children are called tantrums and vary in frequency and intensity, primarily depending on the child's temperament and the environment in which it is located. They are equally common in boys and girls, with some children being more prone to flesh outbreaks, and they often occur in some children, sometimes at times or very rarely.
Pay attention to this- it is not your fault child have tantrums! You will deal with them in the most proper way only if you do not blame yourself and try to stay calm. Althoough there is no such a thing as unisversal solution to deal tantrums,beacause solution depends on situation it self.
The tantrum arises because the child has the need to get rid of what is causing him discomfort, but he is not able to curb emotions, to rule them. His mental and motor skills develop faster than the ability to communicate, and can not verbally express his frustration. That's why she starts screaming, crying, rolling on the floor, and so on. There is a lot of situations that are frustrating for a child (he can not just get a toy, he can not put the cube in a box, he can not touch the socket, he can not say what he wants to say, and his mom can not read his mind ...) In addition, it is known that a little child wants everything now and right away, and this is not always possible (the child wants to eat soup at the same time, and can not because the soup is boiling and should wait for it to cool down). In these situations, the child feels tension, anger, and tantrum is played, because the child can not obstruct the feelings caused by frustration, nor to verbalize them.
Tantrums are most commonly occur in children aged from one to three years. This period is also called the period of defiance and resistance, because it is characterized by a phase of negativism when the child often pronounces "no" and "I will not," and is very tiring for one mum. The tantrum is an integral part of maturation. Most children grow older and learn to control feelings. Older children are less prone to tantrums because they are mature and more tolerant of frustration, although sometimes a six-year-old may behave like a two-year-old, especially if he has learned that he can get what he wants by using an anger of fury or just as imitation of younger siblings.
What is most interested in you is how to stay close and calm in these situations and how to set up, because it is well known that those most exposed mothers in such situations lose their nerves. Before you inflict anger on the child's fury, stop and remember that your rage will not diminish his anger. Do not react immediately, the same moment as the child begins with the tantrum, but breathe deeply and make a break of thirty seconds to have time to think about how best to act to cope with the tantrum. Do not forget that this is a normal phase of a child's development that is transient, that you are not guilty of having a tantrum, nor does it work to defeat you. You're probably wondering what you need to do to stop a child from raping as soon as possible, but in reality the child needs to express these strong feelings created by frustration rather than suppressing them. As much as your screaming and crying lingering to your ears, keep in mind that it is healthy for a child to excite frustration.
What you can do is provide the child with physical security for playing tantrums and bring him to a safe place where he can not hurt himself and others, and if the child is completely out of control, you need to hold it firmly, but calmly, in order not to hurt others and yourself.
It is not easy to watch or to listen to the child who screams, cries, hits ... and does not know what will with that rage in himself, but simply give him space and time to throw it out of himself. Your next steps in the situation when the child has tantrums depends on the age of the child, the cause of the tantrum and the situation you are in. You should try to understand what is actually happening, or what caused the outburst of anger with a child, because it depends on how you behave. For example,the outburst of anger should be ignored if it occurs after you have banned something for the child, but if the child has tantrums because it faces loss or has been disappointed, then it is a completely different situation and then the outburst of anger should not be ignored, but the child needs to be huged and comfort.
Here are some typical situations in which child experiences tantrums:
Your three-year-old child lost honey he brought to the kindergarten. He was looking for it with a pedagogue, but he could not find it. When he realized that he had to go home without honey, he began hysterically to cry and kick his feet on the floor. In this situation, the child's behavior should not be ignored, because it faces the loss of honey and requires consolation, compassion. It's best to hug it and when you cry, you say, "You're sad because your honey has disappeared. How can I help you? "So you make it clear that you understand and sympathize with him, that you are there for him, and teach him how to name what he feels.
The toy box of your three-year-old daughter is up in the closet. You refuse to drop the box: "The box is now worse because you did not collect the toys." Suddenly she comes up with a burst of anger, but you do not have to give up. If you give in and just satisfy her just to stop the outburst of anger, then the tantrum might become a regular phenomenon because it will realize that this behavior leads to the goal. Ignore her outburst of anger by continuing her activities and not paying attention to her, but keep her in the eye and do not leave her alone in the room, especially if the tantrum is very intense and if she is inclined to harm herself and others on that occasion.
A two-year-old child understands more than he can say with words. He has his own need that he can not express and feels frustrated. Instead, he expresses his feelings with the outburst of anger. For example: you brought to your child a yogurt cup because he said he want to drink yogurt, but he irritatedly says, "I dont want it," and begins to cry suddenly. You say: "Okay. You do not want yogurt "and take the cup. You come back from the kitchen, and the child hits the fists on the table and shouts furiously: "Yooogurt, give me, give me, give me yogurt!" You suppose he probably wants a fruit yogurt, but he can not find the words to say. If you immediately bring fruit yogurt and fill his desire, but it is difficult for the tantrum to disappear on its own, because the child will realize that this behavior pays off, leads to the goal. He'll expect you to read his thoughts next time and run to get what he wants. In addition, in this situation, you are not encouraging him to adopt new words, because why would he try to learn to say if his mother brings what he wants as soon as he cries. It is best to put your child in a more peaceful place so he can not break down what is on the table. Tell him: "When you stop screaming, I will come to you." During the course of the tantrum, a child can not hear you, or can he reasonably think, so there is no point in trying to talk. Only when the child calms down say: "When you scream, I do not know what you want. Let's go to the fridge to show me what you want "... As the child grows, so does the speech skills are growing, and the level of frustration decreases, and the outbursts of anger become less common.
Your two-and-a-half-year-old son is trying to wash his socks, but he does not, and he starts kicking his feet and crying. In an effort to give him support and comfort, you tried to hug him and say: "You almost succeeded, will you help me?" He angered even more and pushed you with the words: "I'll do it alone, I want it alone, I want it alone , Let meee! "In this situation, it's important to stay patient. Let him exude his anger, but let him know that you are there if he needs you: "Okay, I'll be on the bed, call me if you need me." Only when it calms down and looks for your help, consult it as it can easily pull the sock, and if you see that you can not help yourself, help him. This way you teach him how to overcome obstacles, send him a message to believe in him, be persistent, it is okay to seek help and be there for him.
In time, as the child grows, develops vocabulary, becomes more independent, more skilful, more mature, his perception of himself and the world develops, learn how to express needs in an adequate way, expresses feelings with words, and the tantrum becomes rarer. In the meantime, do not forget to pay attention to it and when it behaves admirably, to grunge and love it and when it is joyful, and not only when it needs consolation.
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